Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Are You Happy?


Ben is one of my favorite clients.  We’ve worked together for six months, and during that time he’s achieved many business and personal goals.  He has the vision to know what he wants and the determination and motivation to do what it takes to get there.  As a result his life is much different than when we began working together.

However, Ben is not happy.
During our last conversation Ben shared how bewildered he is that after achieving so many of his goals he’s not as happy as he had expected to be.  This led us to a discussion of happiness, and just what it is.

Ben assumed that happiness is something you achieve. He believed that if he accomplished his goals, grew his business and acquired more money and possessions, happiness would automatically follow.

However, happiness isn’t something you GET, it’s something you MAKE.
How often have you achieved a long-term goal, expecting it to make you happy, just to find that after a short period of feeling successful or proud, you then felt empty and lost?  This is because once you achieve a goal you set another goal, and continue to want more. Many people lead an “if only” life.  They say “I’d be happy if only I had__________________.”  However, when they get that thing or achieve that goal, they’re surprised and disappointed to discover they feel the same as they always did.

It’s also about self-esteem, and the ability to love and value yourself, even if you’re not perfect.  If you appreciate the incredible human being you are, and accept yourself even with all your imperfections, you will find inner happiness that’s based on who you are internally rather than external stuff.

Happiness is about attitude and choices, NOT STUFF!
We each have the option of focusing on the positive in our life, or on the negative.  We can look at all our blessings, or choose to only see what’s lacking. Along with that comes the choice to be happy and feel blessed, or feel miserable and incomplete.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to do away with your dreams and goals or stop striving to improve your professional or personal situation.  It simply means you can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect the achievement of your goals to alter how you feel about your life.

Choosing to be happy is something you can do, regardless of what you have.
Once Ben understood that growing his business and having more money to buy more toys wasn’t his path to happiness, he set about finding what would enrich his life. To recognize his path to happiness he:

Wrote in a Gratitude Journal.  Ben wrote every night about the things that had delighted him that day. He was pleased to discover that his life held many things that brought him joy.  He was also surprised to note that they were the things money couldn’t buy, such as reading to his son at bedtime, enjoying the beauty of nature, or cuddling with his wife on the couch.

Looked at his values and needs to determine what was most important to him.  Ben then found ways to incorporate those things into his daily life. He realized that his values reflect his personal needs.  He understood that when he was being true to his values he was happy.  When he acted in a way that went against his values, he was miserable. (for FREE worksheets to help you identify your values and needs, go to our website at www.insidejobscoach.com and click on Resources).

Reviewed his goals to find the personal motivation behind them. For example, Ben wanted to make more money so he could buy a boat and house at the lake.  However, when he really looked at this goal he realized that the boat and lake house represented fun things for his family to do together.  What will make him happy about achieving these goals is not having the things, but what they will bring, which is quality time with his loved ones.

Gave to others.  Ben realized that he was always happy when he was giving his time and money to his community.  He noticed that when he was doing something for others he felt lighthearted and carefree, so he found ways to do this more often.

As Ben looked at each of his wants he realized that they all stemmed from just a couple of his deep personal needs.  The needs he wanted to fill were those of connection to family, friends and community.  Realizing this gave him the option to choose to be happy with what he had, and find ways to meet his needs without accumulating more stuff.

With this awareness, Ben adopted an attitude of gratitude, and his life began to turn around.

So, What About You?
Are you choosing to be happy, or to focus on all you don’t have?  What is happiness to you?  What really makes your heart sing?  What deep needs are you trying to meet?  Once you know the answers to these questions it will be easy for you to choose to be happy, every day.

It’s something to think about.


Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.


Monday, November 26, 2018

Are You Frustrated?

David is a middle manager in a large company.  On our last coaching call he talked about his frustration with how things at work are done and what he can and cannot do to change them.  As a middle manager he has some power to control his department, but not to change company policies he disagrees with.

After he vented, we looked at the reality of what was going on for him. David realized that feeling frustrated is a “red flag emotion” that lets him know he is feeling powerless and not in control.  “Red-flag emotions” are feelings we experience to let us know how we are reacting to our environment.  As with all “red-flag emotions”, once he acknowledges its message, David can decide what to do about it’s cause, and then let the emotion go.

Have You Felt Frustrated?
Have you ever felt frustrated with a business or personal situation? Maybe you have to wait for others to make decisions or take action, you might be trying to control uncooperative people or things, or you may be dealing with something like the weather or natural disasters, over which nobody has control.

In all of these instances frustration is a signal that you are feeling a loss of personal power. It's an indication that you feel blocked in some way and are not in control of what's happening to you.  Feeling this way for very long can decrease your self-confidence, cause stress resulting in unhealthy consequences, and diminish your sense of being a capable, competent person.  Since you probably don’t want to experience these things, the thing to do when you feel frustrated is to find a way to regain control and feel powerful. 

Choices

David realized that in frustrating situations he has two choices:

            1) If it’s a situation over which he has control, he can take action and impact it in some way. 
2) If it's a situation over which he has no power, he can choose to let go of his need for control, break it down into smaller parts, and find ways to deal with each of them.
3) Or he can simply decide it's not worth putting energy into and let it go.

David acknowledged that he was powerless to impact the corporate culture and decided to focus on the things he does have control over.  He talked with his boss to share his thoughts and suggestions, and then put his energy into his department and empowering his staff.  He let go of his need to fight a system he cannot change, and moved ahead in ways he could.

David realized that he always has the power to choose how he reacts to a situation, and to decide what he wants to do about it. Then he can make decisions about how to proceed.  Once he took charge of his feelings, the frustration disappeared and he again feels powerful in his world.

What About You?
What about you?  Is there a situation in your life that is causing you frustration because it’s not within your power to change? Or one that is not worth your time or energy? You may want to ask yourself if there is any aspect of it you can control, and then do that.  Then let go of the frustration.

Since being frustrated drains your physical and emotional energy, confuses your thoughts and blocks you from being productive, you might want to eliminate this emotion from your life.

It helps to remember that:
1)     When you feel frustrated it’s because you’re feeling powerless or not in control.
2)     Frustration tells you something is not working as you want or you planned.
3)     To relieve frustration, take action if you have the power/ability/authority, or do what you can, and then let the situation go.
4)     Confronting and overcoming frustration will add to your self-confidence and sense of personal power.

So, how do you deal with frustration?


It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

What Happened to RESPECT?














The tone of The tone of the meeting had become hostile, with people interrupting, yelling and making snide comments, and I was appalled.  I’d just joined the Board of Directors for a non-profit agency, and was so shocked by the behavior of this group of professional adults, that I needed to think about it so I could understand what was going on.

The situation was one in which everyone had his or her own agenda, and nobody listened to what anyone else had to say.  As a result, it quickly deteriorated into an exchange that I would expect only from young children. It was both uncomfortable and unproductive, and I left feeling disgusted with the group.

I realized that what was being exhibited at this meeting was a total lack of respect.  The Board members were acting disrespectfully towards each other, themselves, and the organization they were there to help.

This realization led me to think about respect, and what exactly it is.
According to the dictionary, respect is:
  • Exhibiting courtesy and deference: an expression (by word or deed) of esteem or regard
  • Showing courteous regard for people's feelings
  • Treating others with dignity
  • The condition of being honored or well regarded
  • Valuing one’s standing or position
  • An attitude of admiration or esteem
  • Regarding someone highly; thinking much of/valuing them
I realized that the positive relationships and interactions in my life were effective because the people involved treated each other with respect.  It’s what my parents used to refer to as exhibiting good manners (an old-fashion but still appropriate term). This means listening quietly and attentively, hearing what is said, responding calmly, and using a tone and demeanor that show regard and esteem for the people you’re interacting with.

This situation spurred me to look at my own behavior, and I was horrified to note that there are times when I treat others disrespectfully.  I wasn’t aware of it, but I began to see that when I feel tired, stressed, overwhelmed or ignored I lash out at the people around me.  As a result, my family and staff often bear the brunt of my disrespect.

I realized that it’s important for me to be aware of the way I treat others, and insure that all my actions convey a positive, respectful attitude towards the people involved.  This means everyone, from my children, spouse and friends, to my business colleagues, the clerk in the store, and fellow Board members.

I also realized that I should always treat myself with respect. I began to see that others are aware when I respect myself, and I’m more likely to receive respect in return.

As for the rest of the Board, I understand that I may not be able to change how they function.  However, if I monitor my own actions and model respectful behavior, I hope they will notice and respond in kind.

So, I’m wondering who do you treat respectfully or disrespectfully?  What types of situations spawn these behaviors and what is the outcome of these interactions?  It might be something to think about.


Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Monday, October 15, 2018

Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?














These days it seems like everywhere I look, somebody is talking about attitude.

Attitude is defined as a way of thinking or feeling about something or someone, and we all have attitudes about just about everything.

The question is, is your attitude positive or negative?

This might not sound like a big question, but it’s hugely important, because your attitude often determines how you feel, which influences your behavior and affects the outcome.

For example, if you feel good about yourself you will act accordingly.  When you feel good about yourself (positive self-esteem), you feel strong, powerful, capable, competent, loveable, and valuable.  When you feel that way you will walk through life with your head high, surrounding yourself with positive people and situations.

The same is true for when you have a positive attitude about someone else, or a situation.  If a negative situation arises, you can still find the good in it, and move ahead with a positive, can-do attitude. You will choose to be positive about whatever is in front of you, and will feel and act accordingly.

However, if you have a negative attitude, you will find the bad and focus on what is not working or what makes you unhappy.  When you do this you will attract more negative situations and people into your life.

It really is up to you.

There is usually good and bad in everything, and you always have a choice about how you want to view it.  You get to choose your perspective, and then act on it.

So if things aren’t going well for you, you might want to ask yourself if you need an attitude adjustment.

It’s something to think about.


Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.


Monday, October 1, 2018

How Do You Appreciate?













When people go out of their way to do something nice for you, how do you handle it?

Do you simply say “Thank You” and move on, or do you take a minute to tell them how much you really appreciate what they’ve done.

In my world I’m all about stepping up and supporting others in whatever way they want or need.  I do it because I care about people, and truthfully, it makes me feel good to give.

Often someone will say “Thank you”, which is lovely.  But occasionally someone will go further than that, and let me know how much whatever I did has impacted them.

Studies have shown that one of the main reasons people like or don’t like their jobs is how often their efforts are acknowledged and appreciated.  Appreciation and acknowledgment are more important to people than money, benefits, etc.  The most crucial thing is for people to feel they are part of the team, and that what they are doing is making a positive contribution to the group effort.

One way to give appreciation is to be specific.  Saying, “Good job” or “Thank you” is nice, but kind of hollow.  However, when you follow it up by identifying exactly what the person did, saying how it made you feel or how it helped you, and comment on the qualities they exhibited by doing it, people will really feel appreciated.

A good appreciation statement has several parts:
·        Be genuine and don’t expect anything in return
·        Be specific, use the person’s name, and identify exactly what s/he did
·        Make eye contact and use open body language
·        Recognize the person as well as the deed. Note their special character traits that allowed them to do this
·        Always be sincere

For example, if a coworker goes out the way to fill in for you when you’re out of the office, you can say, “Thanks for filling in”.  Or you can say, “It was great of you to step up and fill in while I was away.  You are always thoughtful like that, and it’s wonderful to know you have my back. Working with you is such a pleasure.”

Remember that showing sincere appreciation also applies in your personal life.  Being truly appreciative of your family and friends will strengthen your relationships and help everyone feel more connected.


Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

If you've wondered what Coaching is all about, Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call.  Just email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and she'll get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.


If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Fit Yourself Into Your Life













I have a friend who for years worked long hours, and in her “free time” she volunteered for a number of non-profit organizations.  She was always very busy, doing her job or giving to others.

A month ago she decided she’d had enough.  Things in her industry had changed and it was time for her to find a new challenge, so she resigned from her job and cut back on her volunteer activities.  She said this change was temporary.  Eventually she will get a new job and become active again.

However, she said that right now she needed to “take time to fit herself into her life.”

This phrase resonated with me.  For years my husband and I have been really busy people.  Between work, family and volunteering we didn’t have much extra time to spend together or stop and smell the roses.

Once we realized this, we made some changes.  We cut back on volunteering, didn’t let work run our lives, and made time to spend together, and also alone, to read, take walks, and pay attention to taking care of ourselves, each other, and our bodies.

So now that things have changed, we’re enjoying the slow down.  We hadn’t realized how busy we were, but now that things are calmer we’re really taking pleasure in having time to “fit ourselves into our lives”.

So this month I’m reflecting on the importance of taking time to relax, enjoy a mellow conversation with my favorite people, or take an evening walk.  It’s time for me to be in my life instead of just a part of it.  We’ve been doing this for a month and it’s wonderful to see how well I fit.

How about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 


Tuesday, August 21, 2018

What Happens When You Say "Yes"?













Several years ago I saw the Jim Carey movie, Yes Man.  The premise is that he’s a negative guy whose life is boring because he says no to everything.  He decides to begin saying yes all the time, so of course, hilarious situations result.

This movie inspired me to look at my life, and I realized that the basic premise is true.  When I say no to things, my life is quiet and dull.  I often let laziness, fear of the unknown, looking stupid, rejection or looking foolish, stop me from saying yes.  Then I feel stagnant and nothing happens in my life.  I’m so busy trying to stay “safe”, that I don’t make room for all of the good new things to come in.

I noticed that when I ignore my fears and objections, and am open to new experiences, wonderful, fun things happen.

I decided to begin saying yes to things unless there is a good reason to decline (laziness, fear of looking foolish or of the unknown are not good reasons.)

As a result, I’ve recently accepted several speaking engagements, taken on new volunteer commitments, met lots of fun and interesting people, and made new friends.

I’ve also had the opportunity to stretch my comfort zone, which makes me feel even stronger and more empowered.  Also, these experiences have helped me realize I can do things I didn’t know I could do, and as a result, I have grown.

So this month I’m reflecting on how much more fun and interesting life is when I’m open to new things, and I’m focusing on just saying yes to life.


What about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.


If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.