Personal Power???

This morning someone asked me about personal power.  She said she isn't sure she developed this at an early age, and this lack has carried into her adulthood.  Now she doesn't stand up for herself or move ahead to create what she wants in her life.  She then asked what my definition of personal power is.

This is a darned good question!  I hadn't really thought about this before, so am doing this here with you.

In my world, Personal Power is your ability to take care of yourself.  It's an attitude or state of mind.  A belief that you are a strong, loveable and valuable human being, and have the right to step up and take care of yourself and what is important to you.

I believe your personal power is rooted in your level of self-esteem.  If you love and value the person you are, then you believe you have right to claim your personal power.  This means you are willing to set boundaries around what you will and will not accept from others, take control of your life, and make things happen for yourself.  If you don't have positive self-esteem you might not believe you deserve to do those things.  Instead you will let others run your life, not go after what you want, and believe you don't deserve better.

I believe that your power is always there.  You just have to give yourself permission to claim it!

These are my random brief thoughts about personal power.  I'm looking forward to hearing yours.

Please share what this term means to you, so we can continue the discussion and all support each other and grow together.

 

 If you’d like someone to help you reclaim your Personal Power, Sandy is offering you a FREE Coaching Call.  Just email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put Coaching Call in the Subject line.  She will get back to you soon to schedule a time to talk, so you can jump-start creating the life of your dreams.

Sandra AbellMS, LPC, ACC is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling books, FeelingGood About You and Moving Up To Management, and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com.

Are You Frustrated?

Are you frustrated with the way your life is going?  Would you like things to be different in some areas, and are struggling because they stay the same?

If so, I’d like to tell you about my friend David.  David is a middle manager in a large company.  The last time I saw him he talked about his frustration with how things at work are done, and all the reasons he can’t change them.  As a middle manager he has some power to control his department, but not to change the company policies he disagrees with.

After he vented, we looked at the reality of what was going on for him. David realized that feeling frustrated is a “red flag emotion” that lets him know he is feeling powerless and not in control.  “Red-flag emotions” are feelings we experience to let us know how we are reacting to our environment.

As with all “red-flag emotions”, the first step is to acknowledge its message.  Once you do that you have the power to decide what to do about its cause, and let go of the feeling.

Most of the time, frustration is a signal that you’re feeling a loss of power. It's an indication that you feel blocked in some way and are not in control of what's happening.

So, if you’re feeling frustrated, the thing to do it is to find a way to regain some kind of control.  Like David, you might not have the power, authority or ability to impact the entire situation, but you always have the power to choose how you want to feel about and deal with it.  When you let go of the feeling, you will recognize that there is usually some way to do things differently, or rearrange your perspective and goals.

David acknowledged that he was powerless to impact the entire corporate culture.  However, he also realized that he has power over how he chooses to feel about and react to it.  He has the power to choose what to do in his immediate department.  He decided to take action by sharing his thoughts with his boss, and then put his energy into his department, empowering his staff, and feeling powerful instead of victimized.  Rather than focus on what he can’t change, he looked at what he can do, and found ways to impact the situation positively.

Most importantly, David realized he always has the power to choose how he reacts to a situation.  He can choose his feelings and decide what he wants to do about it. Then he can make decisions about how to proceed.  Taking action will help him let go of the frustration, because he will no longer feel powerless.

I'm wondering if there a situation in your life that is causing you frustration because it’s not within your power to change?  You may want to ask yourself what aspects of it, including how you choose to feel about it, you can control, and then do that.  As you take control and move ahead, you can let go of the frustration.

When you feel frustrated it helps to remember that:

• Frustration is a sign you’re feeling powerless or not in control.
• Frustration tells you something is not working as you want or planned.
• To relieve frustration, take action if you have the power/ability/authority, or do what you can and then let the situation go.
• Remember that you always have the power to choose how you feel about a situation.  It can always be an opportunity or a disaster, however you want to define it.
• Always know that confronting and overcoming frustration will add to your self-esteem and sense of personal power. 

Even though it might not feel like it, YOU DO have the power to overcome your frustration.

If you’d like learn how to take control of your life so frustration doesn’t control it, talking with Sandy can help.  In order to support you, she is offering you a FREE Coaching Call.  Email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING CALL in the Subject line and she will get back to you soon.

Sandy will always connect with you within 24 hours, so if you don’t hear from her please check your SPAM filter.

Also, if you’d like to rediscover the amazing person you’ve always been, check out this incredible program: Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program

Sandra Abell is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling books, FeelingGood About You and Moving Up To Management, and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com.

Coach Yourself to Win!

Are you ready to move ahead and create the life you want, but aren’t sure how to begin?  Sometimes it feels overwhelming because there are so many things you can do and directions you can go.  It’s easy to get overwhelmed and stuck.

One thing that will really help you is to become your own coach.

The first step in coaching yourself is to choose a goal.  Your end goal my be a really big one, so write that down and keep it in mind.  Then back up and start taking small steps that will begin to move you towards your huge goal.

Here are three things you can do right now to start the process of coaching yourself to win:

1) Eliminate ‘Tolerations’

The first step in your self-coaching process is to identify the ‘tolerations’ in your life.  A ‘toleration’ is something that you are tolerating, that irritates or annoys you whenever you think about it. It may be something as small as a missing button on your favorite coat, or the smudge on the wall that you notice every time you walk by.

Or it could be bigger things, such as your overflowing closet or In Box, your friend who is always 20 minutes late, or the person who treats you with disrespect.  These are all things you are tolerating, and each one drains your energy and interferes with your ability to be successful.

The first step to eliminating these things is to write them down (most of us are surprised to see we have a long list) and then begin eliminating them one at a time.  If you tackle one a day and cross it off the list, you will be amazed at how your energy returns as your tolerations decrease.

2) Deal with the ‘Shoulds’

Along with eliminating your ‘tolerations’, you can look at the ‘shoulds’ in your life.  A "should" is something you think you are supposed to do or believe. They are values that you learned from others when you were a small child. You may not know why or agree with the reasoning, but you believe that if you ignore these ‘shoulds’ it will create problems for you and those around you.

For example, as a child you may have been taught to be quiet, cooperative and selfless, and quickly learned these behaviors in order to gain love and approval from the adults in your life. Unfortunately, some values you learned for survival as a child, may be keeping you from being an assertive, respected adult.

It’s time for you to became aware of the ‘shoulds’ that no longer apply in your adult life, and begin to rewrite them to fit your role as an independent adult.

Of course there are many ‘shoulds’ you will want to keep.  Things such as treating others with respect, accepting responsibility for your actions, and being punctual, are good guides on how to be a responsible adult.  ‘Shoulds’ that are no longer serving you might be, “it’s better to do nothing than make a mistake”, “keep your opinions to yourself”, and “asking questions reveals your stupidity”.  As you look at your ‘shoulds’ you can decide which still serve you well, and which to let go of because they no longer apply to your life.  Once you identify these you have the option of letting them go.

3) Establish Boundaries

The third thing you can do to coach yourself is to establish firm, clear boundaries.  Boundaries are your rules about the things that you will and will not allow people to do to you.  These are the lines you establish to protect yourself physically and emotionally, so you can be your best.  You might be surprised to discover that you have very few boundaries, and as a result you are surrounded by negative people who treat you disrespectfully and drag you down.

It is your right to establish strong boundaries around yourself.  You can design them to keep out negative, hurtful or disrespectful people. If those people have to be in your life because of family or work, setting boundaries will keep you from accepting their negative behavior.  You can make it clear to others that you will no longer tolerate yelling, swearing, disrespect, aggressive behavior, being ignored, or anything else that makes you feel uncomfortable.  You will find that the negative people will drift away.  Then you can set about surrounding yourself with people who are reliable, supportive, non-judgmental, respectful, and make you feel good about yourself.

I know that when you do these three things you will be pleasantly surprised to see an amazing shift.  Once you have eliminated many ‘tolerations’, let go of several ‘shoulds’ that were no longer serving you, and established boundaries around yourself, you will feel energized, confident, and ready to move ahead towards achieving your goals.

 If you’d like learn more about how to coach yourself to achieve your goals, talking with Sandy can help.  In order to support you, she is offering you a FREE Coaching Call.  Email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING CALL in the Subject line, and she will get back to you soon.

Sandy will always connect with you within 24 hours, so if you don’t hear from her please check your SPAM filter.

Also, if you’d like to rediscover the amazing person you’ve always been, check out this incredible program: Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program

Sandra Abell is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling books, FeelingGood About You and Moving Up To Management, and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com

Roadblocks To Your Success

I'm wondering, is your life going in the direction you want?  Would you like to have more money, better friends, lots of respect, love and appreciation, a better job, and many other things that just don’t seem to be happening for you? If so, there might be a reason things are not happening the way you want them to.  You might have unconsciously put up roadblocks that are interfering with your progress towards your perfect life. I like to think of the journey to success as if I were taking a road trip.  Success is the destination, and in order to reach it I need to map out a plan, with detailed directions and strategies.  It’s important that I really want to go on the trip, have a mode of transportation, and map or GPS to guide us. When I’m thinking of taking a trip, I look at things that might be getting in the way of it actually happening.  Some of these are: 1. No clear vision.  Without a vision you don’t know which way to go? How do you know which direction to go if anywhere will do?  What does success mean to you?  What does it look like?  Is it monetary, emotional, physical, or psychological?  Your vision defines where you want to go, which will help you define the steps you need to take, and will lead you to success.  Be specific and create a clear vision. 2. Fear – All kinds of fears: Fear of failure, success, rejection, making a mistake, being in the spotlight, being laughed at, etc.  What are your fears? 3. Negative thinking – We all have the little voice in our head that sometimes tells us we will fail, people will reject us or our product, and we might as well give up.  Most of the time the negative messages were learned when we were children, and were delivered by adults who were not supportive of us. What we forget is that the little voice is WRONG! 4. Lack of determination – You may like the idea of success, but shy away from parts of running a business that you find uncomfortable. To succeed you must be determined enough to push through the discomfort. 5. No action plan.  You can’t go anywhere if you don’t know what steps to take.  Once you have your ultimate vision and long-term goals, “chunk it down” and create shorter-term goals.   Then decide what steps you will take, every day, to move ahead?  Once you have the steps, write them down in order to be done, so you have a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly plan. 6. Resistance to change – by definition, if you are not successful now and you want to be successful, things will change 7. Lack of focus/Procrastination – it’s easy to become distracted, especially if you work alone 8. Become easily discouraged – Lack of perseverance.  No matter what, keep on going!  Summon the energy and motivation and keep moving ahead. 9. Become too comfortable.  Sometimes people reach a certain level, become comfortable with it and stay there instead of continuing to move ahead.  This may be fine, but if you want even more success, your comfort zone will not bring it to you. You may want to look at how many of these roadblocks are holding you back from achieving your success.  Once you become aware of the ways they are doing this, there are many things you can do to change the situation. To look at these, you can ask yourself some questions about each of the roadblocks: Lack of Clear Vision What does “success” mean to me? If it’s monetary, how much, specifically, do I want to make each week, month, and year? What is my monetary goal for next year? If it’s emotional and/or physical, how will it feel? What do I want my business to look like tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now, 5 years from now? (This includes physical environment, types of clients/customers, how many and how often, number of employees, who my vendors are, etc.) Fear What fears are holding me back from success? How realistic are they? Will I survive if they come true? What will happen if I don’t confront them and move ahead? What will happen if I do confront and move through them?            Negative Thinking What negative messages do I give myself?             Where did they come from?             How valid are they?             What’s the truth? What positive messages can I replace them with? Lack of Determination/Motivation How motivated am I? How much do I really want to succeed? What am I willing to do to get there? What things am I avoiding that, when done, will move me toward success? If I avoid unpleasant things, how will it impact my success? If I tackle unpleasant things, how will it impact my success? No Action Plan  (write down each step and then prioritize them) What do I need to do today to move towards my goals? What are my goals for the week, and what do I need to do to reach them? What are my goals for the month, and what steps do I need to take to accomplish them? What are my goals for the year and what do I need to do to this year to reach them? Where/how will I document my action plans? How will I know when I’ve succeeded? Resistance to Change What am I doing, or not doing, that is holding me back? What needs to change? What am I willing to do differently to make that happen? When will I start? Lack of Focus/Procrastination What distracts me? What do I avoid doing? Are there some tasks that I’m more easily distracted from than others? What can I do to make them more fun, interesting, or less stressful and frightening, so I will tackle them and stay focused? Become Easily Discouraged What discourages me and makes me stop moving forward? What am I losing by giving power to this? What will I do to take back my power and persevere? Become Too Comfortable Have I reached a level that feels comfortable? Do I want to move to the next level, or stay in my comfort zone? What steps can I take today to begin moving ahead? Once you’ve identified your roadblocks, YOU have the power to eliminate them!  You have the power to create strategies that will move you quickly ahead on your road to success. So, I challenge you to take charge of your life and make it the one you want.  I bet if you tackle one roadblock a week, you will be amazed to find that you’re speeding down the road, moving closer to your goals every day. If you’d like someone to walk this road with you, Sandy is offering you a FREE Coaching Call. Just email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE CALL in the Subject line.  She will always get back to you within 24 hours, so if you don't hear from her be sure to check your SPAM filter. Once you connect you will schedule a time for your coaching call, so you can jump-start creating the life of your dreams. Sandra Abell is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling books, FeelingGood About You and Moving Up To Management, and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com.