Positive Vibes -- Blast From the Past

John: As human beings, we tend to look back at things with rose-colored glasses. The farther we get from the memory, the better it was. The hard thing to remember is, what happened in the past, does not equal the present. I got hit by a blast from the past recently, where someone who I hadn’t talked to in a very long time, strolled back in. The more I talked to them though, the more I thought about “Garth Brooks, Unanswered Prayers – “We tried to talk about the old days, there wasn’t much we could recall. Guess the Lord knows what he is doing after all. As they walked away, I looked at my wife and then and there I thank the good Lord for the gifts in my life….just because he does not answer, doesn’t mean he don’t care, some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” But for me, my prayers luckily got answered. I was gifted Kelly and I was gifted Nicole. Both of them hold a very significant place in my life and in my heart and both leave me totally fulfilled, albeit in very different ways, but both are amazingly important. They are both significant and I will not tolerate disrespect to either of them.

Sandy, maybe it is me, but I don’t like looking back at the past. There is a reason that people have left. If people come back, it is important to remember why people left in the first place, however the relationship ended. And It does not have to have ended badly, but generally for me, going backwards is a losing proposition. What are your thoughts on this? Is it generally a bad thing to go backwards, or have you left people from your past back in and you are more fulfilled when they come back?

Sandy:  Hi John, I love this topic, and I really love Garth’s song.  It’s so powerful and true.

I believe that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  This makes sense to me.  I’ve had many relationships that were wonderful, and then for some reason they were not.  There wasn’t a huge fight or breakup.  It just seemed that whatever we had come together for had been accomplished, and it was time to move on.  Maybe one of us had changed, the situation shifted (we were friends at work and somebody left the company), or we just no longer had anything in common.

However, I’ve learned that I am better for every significant relationship I’ve experienced.  There was always something to learn, and often it was a great growth opportunity so I could be even better for the new relationships that are still coming into my life.

So what I do is look at what was, find the takeaways, mentally thank them for our time together, and let it go.  I also, like you with Kelly and Nicole, continue to cherish the few people (my husband Gene and our children and grandchildren) who are with me for a lifetime.

Dwelling on the past, once you’ve learned the lesson, keeps you stuck so you can’t move ahead.  Since I hate to be stuck, I find the positive and keep moving forward.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Positive Vibes - High Performance or High Character

We continue our Positive Vibes discussion with John Nocero from Duke University.

John: I read on the HCCA blog about Kasey Ingram, the General Counsel and Chief Compliance Officer of ISK Americas, who learned compliance at the bottom of the ocean as an officer aboard a nuclear ballistic submarine. During his orientation at the Naval Academy, a commander told him and the other new Midshipmen “Just because you’re a high performer doesn’t mean you have high character.”  It was an admonition he never forgot and it has shaped his career since.

            To me, it is about living with your core principles first – what is my purpose? What vision do I want to project and am I doing that every day? That’s important to me. I have worked with people on both ends of the spectrum – high performers with high and low character and I will take high character every day. I call low character someone who berates others or is verbally abusive. Drunk with power. You may see people who are shady. Neither are components of high character. So strive for both. When I focus on improving myself, everything in my world gets better. But if I focus on improving professionally, it does not make me a better person. Being a better professional? Sure. That’s nice. Being a better person? That takes minerals.

            What do you think Sandy? Do you want high performance, high character or both? And why?

Sandy: Hi John.  Interesting topic.

I agree that high character is by far the most important thing. Most people in our culture agree that being honest, trustworthy, loyal, reliable, responsible, thoughtful, and a person of integrity are what it’s about.

However, there are as many definitions of “high character” as there are people. We’re talking about your personal value system, which we each were taught by the people who raised us when we were young.  If you come from a family that taught you it’s OK to lie, cheat or steal to get what you want, your values are different than those who came from a place of honesty and integrity.

In some cultures it’s acceptable to lie or use bribery to get what you want in business, or to manipulate circumstances in your favor.  In those situations the focus is on high performance above all, so high character suffers.

I like to think that high character will result in high performance, but unfortunately it’s not always the case.  Sometimes the shady character wins, at least in the short term.

However, if at all possible I choose to avoid those folks and surround myself with people who have the same values I do.  In my world my values are most important.  I have to be able to live a life of integrity, treat others as I want to be treated, and be able to sleep well at night.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself