This is a really painful, lonely, difficult place to be, and
it’s amazing how many people feel this way.
If you were raised in a family where people didn’t value
your needs, yet expected you to meet theirs, this might be one of the reasons
you feel this way. As a child you may
have been taught that the only way to get noticed and receive positive
attention was to suppress your needs and focus on those of others.
Now that you’re an adult, you might still be looking for
love and approval by giving to, and taking care of, others, as you were taught
to do when you were small.
If you were raised to be a caretaker of others, you most
likely weren’t raised to also take care of yourself. The unspoken bargain, what you hoped would happen, was that if
you were there for people, they’d be there for you.
Unfortunately, it seldom works that way!
Now, taking care of others is a good thing. It’s wonderful to be giving, supportive and
compassionate to people. The missing
ingredient is that you might be forgetting to also give these wonderful things
to yourself.
If this sounds familiar, it’s time to look at why people
don’t give you the same consideration and support that you give them. Could it be because you unconsciously treat
yourself disrespectfully, and model this
behavior for others? Without realizing
it you’re teaching people how to treat you.
The good news is that you are now an adult, which means you
have the power to make things different.
Even if you were taught to disregard your wants and needs as you focused
on others, you can now change that early patterning, and begin treating
yourself with the respect you deserve.
Imagine what it would be like if you stopped ignoring
yourself and started occasionally putting your needs first. Setting boundaries around behaviors you will
and will not accept from others?
Some things you can do to turn things around are:
·
Look inside yourself and begin acknowledging your
feelings, wants and needs. Tell
yourself that what you feel is as important as what others feel, and act
accordingly.
·
Start speaking up for yourself. Once you’re aware of your feelings, wants
and needs, Speak Up and make sure
others are aware of them too. If they
continue to ignore you or get angry when you do this, you might be in a toxic
relationship that you will need to re-evaluate.
·
Start taking care of yourself as well others, and
modeling for them how to give to you as well as take from you.
·
Stop accepting one-way relationships, where the other
person talks about him/herself for hours, but doesn’t listen when you begin to
speak.
·
Give people the opportunity to be there for you. Take a risk, share your thoughts, and
encourage others to respond.
When you change your behavior, some people will be happy to
see that you’re stepping up and being assertive. However, others will probably be angry and confused. If you
patiently demonstrate your boundaries and hold them firm, you will model for
others how you expect to be treated.
Eventually people will modify the way they treat you, and their respect
for you will grow as you demonstrate your self-respect.
There might be some people who just want to be in a
relationship with you for the way you take care of them, and as you grow
stronger they will probably fade away and find someone else to abuse.
Always remember, you are a lovable, valuable, capable,
competent person, and it’s time you and everyone else acknowledge this.
The bottom line is that key to being visible is to respect
yourself, take control of your life, and make sure others are aware that you
are as important as they are.
Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and
experience
For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the
Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach
website.
If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we
have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack,
and begin to create the life of your dreams.
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