Meg abused herself verbally every time she thought about her
business or her life. She would begin
by thinking of all the wonderful things she could do to make everything
successful. Then she would immediately
remind herself that she wasn’t intelligent, knowledgeable, charming, energetic,
loveable, capable or competent enough to actually do what she wanted to do.
Once she started on that negative train of thought it became
a “self-fulfilling prophecy”, where the more she predicted failure, the more
she failed. She created a downward
spiral that was so steep and fast I was amazed she still had a business or
family at all.
Meg had no idea she was talking to herself this way. She thought she was a positive and upbeat
woman. However, when she started paying
attention to her thoughts, she realized she was constantly beating herself up
with words.
Meg understood that her words had nothing to do with the
reality of how loveable, capable and competent she is. Her negative self-talk was a thinking
pattern that she’d learned from the adults in her life when she was very
young. They had always focused on what
she couldn’t do rather than on what she could, and it had become a habit she
carried into adulthood.
Ask Empowering Questions
Meg decided to change this habit of verbal abuse by focusing
on what she can do, and asking
herself empowering questions. Instead
of saying, “There is no way I can finish this project by Friday” (which is
negative, limiting and self-defeating), she switched to asking herself, “What
do I need to do to finish this by Friday?”
This simple change of phrasing made a big change in the message she gave
herself, and in the outcome. She was
now speaking to herself in an empowering manner, with the assumption that she
has what it takes to get the job done.
As Meg paid more attention to how she spoke to herself, she
realized that she also spoke to her employees, customers and family in the same
defeating way. Instead of focusing on
what they can do, she always focused
on what they can’t possibly accomplish.
She never indicated that she really believed in people and their ability
to be successful. It was no wonder that
her husband and children were grumpy and avoided her, her employee morale was
low, and her customers were scarce.
Once she realized this she was able to look realistically at
where these thought patterns originated, and realize that they did not, and
never had, really applied to her. They
were concepts laid on her by the people in her childhood, who were very unhappy
themselves. They taught her what they
knew, but she recognized that now she’s an adult the old message don’t fit, and
she no longer needs to continue the negativity.
Now when Meg talks to herself, her employees, customers and
family, she asks questions that open up possibilities and get people moving and
motivated to succeed. She indicates that she believes in people, and empowers
herself and them with strong guiding questions.
These questions usually begin with “what”, “how” or “who”,
and are designed to move herself and others forward. As a result of this simple shift in attitude the atmosphere at
work and home is much lighter and more optimistic, she is much happier with
herself and others, and her business is beginning to grow.
So, how do you talk to yourself and to those around
you? Do you continue to believe the
old, negative messages and thoughts from long ago, and verbally abuse and
undermine everyone by focusing on what can’t be done, or do you focus on the
positive and possibilities and create a brighter future for everyone?
If this sounds like you, you might want to try asking empowering
questions, and see what happens.
Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and
experience
For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the
Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach
website.
If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we
have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack,
and begin to create the life of your dreams.
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