Thursday, February 28, 2019

Positive Vibes -- An Inside Job

John: Sandy, I read a very interesting piece on the Simple Dollar blog, recently, titled, Seven Personal Finance Lessons from the Government Shutdown. The government shutdown is over. Government workers have returned to their jobs and back pay should be arriving soon (if it hasn’t already). Things are back to normal… for now.

However, it’s the “for now” part that should leave many people concerned going forward. In truth, the government shutdown has been an incredibly valuable moment for learning for all of us. It’s exposed some difficult truths about our government, but more than that, it’s also exposed the fragile nature of the financial and professional lives of many, many Americans. Hundreds of thousands of government employees and many more contractors have seen their lives thrown into chaos when they previously perceived their employment as incredibly stable.

This experience has provided all of us with a great opportunity to step back and look at the reality of our own financial and professional worlds. It’s pointed at a few things we should all keep in mind as we move forward.

My biggest takeaway was that there is nothing that is truly “stable,” much less a job, but financial readiness should be. You talk a great deal about success is an inside job – heck, isn’t that the principle that your company was founded upon, I believe – but what was your biggest lesson that you took away from the shutdown and what is your biggest piece of advice that you would tell someone who perceived something to be more stable than it actually is?

Think about this for a second – what many people do not do is save enough for an emergency fund if something were to happen, do you think people do enough pre-saving in case this happened to them, either financially, professional networking or other? And what would you tell people who this did happen to, how they can bounce back quickly, instead of feeling sorry for themselves? It should always be about being the victor and not the victim, no?

Sandy: Great topic John. Lots of food for thought here.

I think we’re talking about a couple of different things. Your first point about “nothing is truly stable”, is absolutely true, and applies to everything in life. As I’ve said before, life is about change, and although we all love being in our cozy comfort zones, the reality is that it is temporary. It might be long-term temporary (if there is such a term), but at some point, things will change. People lose their jobs, the company goes out of business, somebody gets sick, the relationship ends either voluntarily or involuntarily, your house burns down, etc. On the brighter side, positive things happen that also require changes. You graduate and get a terrific job, your kids grow up and leave home, you move to a new location, find your perfect partner, get married, have a child, win the lottery, etc. All of these shifts, both wanted and unwanted, require adaptation. To work with these shifts we need to be aware they might happen and have some kind of plan on how to deal with the change.

Keeping that in mind, we go to your second point about saving in case the unwanted change happens. Saving can refer to money, or making sure you have friends and/or colleagues to back you up, making sure you have enough supplies or money to meet your basic needs in case disaster strikes, etc.

Often when we are in a good place we’re lulled into believing it will always be that way, so we don’t put aside extra money or supplies, buy the insurance, or create an emergency plan. So when something unexpected happens we are blindsided and totally unprepared.

I believe that’s what happened during the Shutdown. People assumed that the government is stable, so if they had a government job they would always be taken care of. Following that line of thought, they didn’t see a need to prepare for the unexpected by setting aside money, food, etc.

The reality is that it’s up to each of us to take responsibility for where we are in our lives. Not only emotionally, but also financially, physically, professionally, in relationships, and everywhere. As you said, it’s about being the victor, not the victim.

Victims think they have no control, and refuse to claim power and responsibility for their situation, thoughts and actions. They blame others and feel sorry for themselves, which keeps them stuck. Victors assess the situation, make a plan and move ahead. They also learn the lesson and take steps to insure that this particular thing won’t happen to them again.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about. Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line. She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.

Monday, February 18, 2019

Positive Vibes -- Are You an Introvert?

John: It is a Saturday afternoon around 3;30pm. It is raining here in NC. The house is quiet. My wife and dog are upstairs taking a nap. You can literally hear a pin drop in here. It is bliss. The sounds of silence. I don’t know when I got so introverted. Let me take that back – yes I do, I grew up introverted. Some of my distinct, fondest memories are of me sitting alone on the floor in my bedroom listening to the radio, or playing, or reading. I didn’t need anyone then for fulfillment. I don’t think I do even now. Which is why it was so funny for me to worry about what people thought for so many years. If you give me a radio, or a notepad, or a game of Strat, I’m good for 6-7 hours. As Susan Cain said, in her book, Quite, “solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.” We live in a culture that celebrates extroversion and sees introversion as a weakness or something to overcome. If you’re an introvert, you may have grown up believing there was something wrong with you. You may not even have realized there’s a word for your personality type, that 26 to 50 percent of the population falls under that umbrella, and that our brains are actually wired differently than extroverts’ brains. But they are, and that is okay. To me, I’m never lonely. I love, love, love the time I spend alone (or just with my immediate family). It feeds my soul.

Sandy – are you introverted or extroverted and what do you tell introverts who are looking to find their place?

Sandy: This is such a great topic John, and I can completely relate to your enjoyment of the sounds of silence, because I am also an introvert. When I was a child they used to call me “shy”. I didn’t know how to relate to people, and really didn’t want to because I always ended up feeling exhausted.

I now know that being either an introvert or extrovert is just fine. What it means is that extroverts get their energy and are rejuvenated by being around people, while introverts are drained by being around lots of people, and are rejuvenated and energized by alone time. Yes, our brains are “wired differently”, it’s how we are born, and it’s all OK.

The important thing is for each person to understand how he or she functions, and then make time to meet his or her energy needs. If you are an extrovert you probably want to connect with people sometime during each day. If you are an introvert you want to have as much alone time as possible to re-energize.

Of course, this doesn’t mean becoming a hermit. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy spending time with groups of people, but I know when it’s time for me to re-energize by taking a solitary walk or sitting and listening to music.

Introverts are usually friendly and nice people, just as extroverts are. They might need to push themselves a bit to get out into the world, but when they do they have a good time.

Even though introverts enjoy solitude we can still be quite friendly, outgoing, energetic and have a great time with others. I believe it’s all about finding a balance and loving and appreciating yourself just as you are.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

Monday, February 11, 2019

Create Your Perfect Year

Anytime is a great time to review the past year and discover what you’ve learned. Then to plan for the coming year and what you want to make happen in the next twelve months. Remember that the best way to predict the future is to create it!

I’d like to suggest you take a few minutes to reflect on the following questions and then write down the answers. They will help you make the next 12 months everything you want them to be.

What was the high point of this past year and why?

What did I learn or discover about myself?

What made me happy or fulfilled me this year?

What was my most successful project?

What disappointments did I have? What can I learn from them?

Now look at the coming year and think about:

Goals: What are the 5 most important things I want to have happen in my business in the next 12 months?

Goals: What are the 5 most important things I want to have happen in my personal life in the next 12 months?

Add: What do I want to have/experience more of in my life this year?

Subtract: What do I want to remove/reduce from my life in the next 12 months?

Shifts: What shifts will I have to make or what things/attitudes/beliefs will I have to let go of in order to achieve my goals?

Actions: What specific things will I do to make my goals a reality?

Support: Who are the key people to help/support me as I make this a phenomenal year, and what, specifically, do I need from them?

Great job! Now go do it, and have a really terrific year!

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

Monday, February 4, 2019

Positive Vibes

Scars

Goeke talks about a zen story that goes something like this:

A Zen master was given a beautifully crafted crystal cup. It was a gift from a former student. He was very grateful. Every day, he enjoyed drinking out of his glass. He would show it to visitors and tell them about the kindness of his student. But every morning, he held the cup in his hand for a few seconds and reminded himself: “This glass is already broken.” One day, a clumsy visitor toppled the glass on its shelf. The cup fell down. When it hit the floor, it was smashed into thousands of tiny pieces.

The other visitors gasped in shock, but the Zen master remained calm. Looking at the mess in front of his feet, he said: “Ah. Yes. Let’s begin.”He picked up a broom and started sweeping.

Half of happiness is being okay with what you don’t get but the other half is being okay with losing what you have. If you are grateful for your possessions, you are ahead of most. But the man who knows they won’t last is ahead of him still. kintsugi (金継ぎ) is a a traditional Japanese art that restores broken objects with gold or silver so that the cracks are illuminated and highlighted, not hidden. By repairing the broken object, breathing new life into it, the pottery is more beautiful for having been broken… for having these precious scars. And then one day, they are gone.

Sandy, I think this is how life works. If we choose to embrace our struggles and repair ourselves with love, we too become more beautiful for having been broken. Our scars, our cracks, are what makes us resilient, builds toughness and helps us grow in ways we never imagined. And then one day, they are gone.

John, thank you for sharing this lovely story.

Yes, I agree that since life is about change, and often the changes leave scars, it’s very important for us to adapt to the new (even when something appears to be broken), and turn it into a positive. There is always something to learn from change, and it often opens up space for something even better (like the beautiful gold or silver in the cracks).

However, I also believe that it’s important to expect and focus on the positive. Although I know that some day the glass might break, I choose to focus on how lovely it is now and how much I enjoy using it every day. If that changes, I am prepared to work with it and find the gold, but I believe there is already gold in all the joy it is bringing now.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

Monday, January 14, 2019

Bossy Little Girl

When I was small I always wanted to help people. For some reason I had the ability to see the big picture, narrow it down to the bottom line, and understand what action steps needed to be taken to move ahead. (At the time I didn’t know to call it that). So I tried to support folks in the only way I knew how, which was to tell them my thoughts and share my vision about how to do things.

As a result I was labeled “a bossy little girl”, and told that nobody would ever like me if I continued to tell people my thoughts. They predicted that if I kept it up I’d grow up to be a ‘pushy broad’. In those days strong women were negatively referred to as ‘pushy broads’, and were looked down on by men and women alike. I learned that little girls weren’t supposed to be directive, visionary or in control, so I stopped talking.

Now that I’m an adult I’ve realized that I wasn’t a “bossy little girl”, I was a girl with Executive Leadership Skills! If I’d been a boy, people wouldn’t have tried to silence me. They would have been proud and encouraged me to be strong, speak my mind and lead.

Women have come a long way since I was a child, but in some circles the old stereotypes are still in effect. Although not as prevalent as it used to be, there is still the perception that there is something unfeminine about being a strong leader.

My husband is a wise man who thinks I’m feminine, and also likes the fact that I’m strong, have leadership qualities, and focus on empowering other women to share their vision, wisdom and connect with their inner leader. He is proud to jokingly tell people that I “teach Pushy Broad School”, and I’m proud to do it.

So this month I’m reflecting on the importance of encouraging girls and young women to be strong, assertive, and visionary. To tap into and use their Executive Leadership Skills, and be proud of being “a bossy girl”.

How about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books and Programs page.

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Are You Happy?

Ben is one of my favorite clients. We’ve worked together for six months, and during that time he’s achieved many business and personal goals. He has the vision to know what he wants and the determination and motivation to do what it takes to get there. As a result his life is much different than when we began working together.

However, Ben is not happy.

During our last conversation Ben shared how bewildered he is that after achieving so many of his goals he’s not as happy as he had expected to be. This led us to a discussion of happiness, and just what it is.

Ben assumed that happiness is something you achieve. He believed that if he accomplished his goals, grew his business and acquired more money and possessions, happiness would automatically follow.

However, happiness isn’t something you GET, it’s something you MAKE.

How often have you achieved a long-term goal, expecting it to make you happy, just to find that after a short period of feeling successful or proud, you then felt empty and lost? This is because once you achieve a goal you set another goal, and continue to want more. Many people lead an “if only” life. They say “I’d be happy if only I had__________________.” However, when they get that thing or achieve that goal, they’re surprised and disappointed to discover they feel the same as they always did.

It’s also about self-esteem, and the ability to love and value yourself, even if you’re not perfect. If you appreciate the incredible human being you are, and accept yourself even with all your imperfections, you will find inner happiness that’s based on who you are internally rather than external stuff.

Happiness is about attitude and choices, NOT STUFF!

We each have the option of focusing on the positive in our life, or on the negative. We can look at all our blessings, or choose to only see what’s lacking. Along with that comes the choice to be happy and feel blessed, or feel miserable and incomplete.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to do away with your dreams and goals or stop striving to improve your professional or personal situation. It simply means you can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect the achievement of your goals to alter how you feel about your life.

Choosing to be happy is something you can do, regardless of what you have.

Once Ben understood that growing his business and having more money to buy more toys wasn’t his path to happiness, he set about finding what would enrich his life. To recognize his path to happiness he:

Wrote in a Gratitude Journal. Ben wrote every night about the things that had delighted him that day. He was pleased to discover that his life held many things that brought him joy. He was also surprised to note that they were the things money couldn’t buy, such as reading to his son at bedtime, enjoying the beauty of nature, or cuddling with his wife on the couch.

Looked at his values and needs to determine what was most important to him. Ben then found ways to incorporate those things into his daily life. He realized that his values reflect his personal needs. He understood that when he was being true to his values he was happy. When he acted in a way that went against his values, he was miserable. (for FREE worksheets to help you identify your values and needs, go to our website at www.insidejobscoach.com and click on Resources).

Reviewed his goals to find the personal motivation behind them. For example, Ben wanted to make more money so he could buy a boat and house at the lake. However, when he really looked at this goal he realized that the boat and lake house represented fun things for his family to do together. What will make him happy about achieving these goals is not having the things, but what they will bring, which is quality time with his loved ones.

Gave to others. Ben realized that he was always happy when he was giving his time and money to his community. He noticed that when he was doing something for others he felt lighthearted and carefree, so he found ways to do this more often.

As Ben looked at each of his wants he realized that they all stemmed from just a couple of his deep personal needs. The needs he wanted to fill were those of connection to family, friends and community. Realizing this gave him the option to choose to be happy with what he had, and find ways to meet his needs without accumulating more stuff.

With this awareness, Ben adopted an attitude of gratitude, and his life began to turn around.

So, What About You?

Are you choosing to be happy, or to focus on all you don’t have? What is happiness to you? What really makes your heart sing? What deep needs are you trying to meet? Once you know the answers to these questions it will be easy for you to choose to be happy, every day.

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

Monday, November 26, 2018

Are You Frustrated?

David is a middle manager in a large company. On our last coaching call he talked about his frustration with how things at work are done and what he can and cannot do to change them. As a middle manager he has some power to control his department, but not to change company policies he disagrees with.

After he vented, we looked at the reality of what was going on for him. David realized that feeling frustrated is a “red flag emotion” that lets him know he is feeling powerless and not in control. “Red-flag emotions” are feelings we experience to let us know how we are reacting to our environment. As with all “red-flag emotions”, once he acknowledges its message, David can decide what to do about it’s cause, and then let the emotion go.

Have You Felt Frustrated?

Have you ever felt frustrated with a business or personal situation? Maybe you have to wait for others to make decisions or take action, you might be trying to control uncooperative people or things, or you may be dealing with something like the weather or natural disasters, over which nobody has control.

In all of these instances frustration is a signal that you are feeling a loss of personal power. It's an indication that you feel blocked in some way and are not in control of what's happening to you. Feeling this way for very long can decrease your self-confidence, cause stress resulting in unhealthy consequences, and diminish your sense of being a capable, competent person. Since you probably don’t want to experience these things, the thing to do when you feel frustrated is to find a way to regain control and feel powerful.

Choices

David realized that in frustrating situations he has two choices:

1) If it’s a situation over which he has control, he can take action and impact it in some way.

2) If it's a situation over which he has no power, he can choose to let go of his need for control, break it down into smaller parts, and find ways to deal with each of them.

3) Or he can simply decide it's not worth putting energy into and let it go.

David acknowledged that he was powerless to impact the corporate culture and decided to focus on the things he does have control over. He talked with his boss to share his thoughts and suggestions, and then put his energy into his department and empowering his staff. He let go of his need to fight a system he cannot change, and moved ahead in ways he could.

David realized that he always has the power to choose how he reacts to a situation, and to decide what he wants to do about it. Then he can make decisions about how to proceed. Once he took charge of his feelings, the frustration disappeared and he again feels powerful in his world.

What About You?

What about you? Is there a situation in your life that is causing you frustration because it’s not within your power to change? Or one that is not worth your time or energy? You may want to ask yourself if there is any aspect of it you can control, and then do that. Then let go of the frustration.

Since being frustrated drains your physical and emotional energy, confuses your thoughts and blocks you from being productive, you might want to eliminate this emotion from your life.

It helps to remember that:

1) When you feel frustrated it’s because you’re feeling powerless or not in control.

2) Frustration tells you something is not working as you want or you planned.

3) To relieve frustration, take action if you have the power/ability/authority, or do what you can, and then let the situation go.

4) Confronting and overcoming frustration will add to your self-confidence and sense of personal power.

So, how do you deal with frustration?

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website. Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you. Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.