Do You Try?

My friend Sam is frustrated because he seldom accomplishes his goals.  When he talks about what he plans to do, he says, “I’ll try to get it done.”  When he talks about why something didn’t work out, he always says, “Well, I tried to make it happen, and it just didn’t.”

When Sam shared these thoughts he gave me the clue to why he is stuck.  He “tries”.

As Yoda said to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars, “Do or do not.  There is no try.”

When I brought this up with Sam he was not sure what I was talking about.  He always thought he was supposed to “try”.  Aren’t we supposed to try to get things done or make things happen?

Actually, no!  If you really want something, you don’t “try” to make it happen, you DO IT!  “Try” implies that it might not work out the way you want, and you will be OK with that.

When Sam says he’ll “try”, he has already given himself permission to slack off and fail.  “Try” implies he’ll make an effort, but that not achieving his goal is an acceptable possibility.

“Try” also implies a lack of commitment.  There is a reason that in most marriage ceremonies the bride and groom say vows that state a pledge to each other, followed by “I do.”  Would you want to marry someone who responded to a lifelong commitment with “I’ll try”?

Sam said that when he talks with potential clients he often uses the word “try”.  He now sees that his phrasing conveys a lack of confidence in himself, which then translates into a lack of confidence on the part of his client.  When he uses the word “try”, his clients interpret it to mean he’s not fully committed to a positive outcome for their project.  This is probably one of the reasons he’s having trouble signing new clients.

He realized that he would never want to go to a brain surgeon who said, “I’ll try”.  For him to place his confidence in her, she would have to show him she believes in herself, and knows she can create a successful outcome.  There is no room for “try” in brain surgery.

Now before Sam talks with people, he makes a commitment to himself and his ability to do the job.  He then conveys this commitment and confidence by saying, “I CAN” and  “I WILL”.  Very different than, “I’ll try.”

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

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