What Do You Want?

My friend Jenny doesn’t understand why she is frustrated and dissatisfied with her life.  She’s 38 years old, works hard and is successful in her profession.  Everyone tells her she’s doing well and is a lucky woman.  However, she isn’t thrilled with her job, and wants to be married and have a family, but hasn’t yet met “the right man”.

She explained that she’s always believed that she’ll know the right thing to do when it comes along, so she’s never actually set goals or made plans.  She went to college but never did any introspection to help decide what to major in.  She chose the college she went to because her friends were going there, and majored in things that seemed interesting, but she had no career goals for when she graduated.

After college, jobs seemed to come her way.  She believed these were “meant to be”, so she took them.  She worked hard and did well, but never felt fulfilled because she wasn’t doing something that made her happy.  It was the same with men --- whenever she meets someone who ‘seems nice’, she dates him for several months, but it never works out.  She still hopes the right man will come along.

 Jenny’s problem is that she’s never taken the time to look specifically at herself, at what makes her happy, or what she needs or wants.  All her life she’s followed whatever came her way, with no plan or thought about if it really met her needs or where it would take her.  She’s been reactive by responding to what comes, rather than being proactive by looking at herself, making decisions, setting goals and choosing how to move toward them.

Recently Jenny decided that she was ready to take stock of who she is, what makes her happy, and where she wants to be next year and five years from now. 

She began to ask herself several questions:

·        Am I living a life that fulfills me?  What does being fulfilled mean, feel and look like?

·        What is fun for me?  What did I love to do when I was a child?

·        What makes me lose track of time?

·        What makes my heart sing and fills my soul with joy?

·        What is missing and how can I put more of it into my life?

·        What kind of relationship do I want?  What will that look and feel like?

·        What do I want professionally?  What are my talents and skills? Do I want to use them in my work?  What do I want to avoid doing?

·        What expectations are keeping me from being me?

·        What fears are stopping me?

·        What can I do to change this situation?

·        How do I feel about money?  Is this moving me forward or holding me back financially?

·        What things do I need to allow myself to let go of so I can reach my goals?

·        Who do I need to be in order to live the life I want?

·        What is the next step to getting there?

Jenny had never looked at herself from this perspective, and was surprised and pleased at what she found.  From the answers to these questions she began to make decisions, and created both personal and professional goals, which gave her a destination for which to chart her course.  She then created an action plan with steps to move herself towards her goals.

This was a new, exciting and uncomfortable experience for Jenny. It took a lot of work for her to sort out who she is and what her needs, desires and dreams are.  She needed to look at who she is instead of who people have always told her she is.  She needed to look at what her values, talents and skills are, and make some decisions, rather than just going with the flow.

Letting go of the “shoulds”, fears and expectations that she had built her life on, and creating her own road map was a difficult process, because thinking about herself was something she’d always been told it was ‘selfish’ to do.

However, she became excited once she realized that she is now becoming clear about what she wants and how to get it.  Jenny is now happily implementing her plan, taking it one step at a time with a goal in mind, and is moving towards the life she’s always wanted.

Is it possible that you might be like Jenny?  Just moving through life, taking whatever comes, without a plan or concept of where you’re going.  How’s that working for you?

If It’s not working the way you’d like, you might want to ask yourself what you’d like to do about it.

You always have the power to take control of your life, make changes and create the present and future that will make you feel fulfilled and happy.

It’s something to think about.

If you are uncertain about who you are or where you want your life to go, there are many things you can do about it.  The first might be to connect with Sandy for a FREE Coaching Call.

Just email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE CALL in the Subject line.  She will get back to you soon to schedule a time to talk, so you can jump-start creating the life of your dreams.

Sandra Abell is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling books, FeelingGood About You and Moving Up To Management, and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com.