Are You Happy?

Ben is one of my favorite clients.  We’ve worked together for six months, and during that time he’s achieved many business and personal goals.  He has the vision to know what he wants and the determination and motivation to do what it takes to get there.  As a result his life is much different than when we began working together.

However, Ben is not happy.

During our last conversation Ben shared how bewildered he is that after achieving so many of his goals he’s not as happy as he had expected to be.  This led us to a discussion of happiness, and just what it is.

Ben assumed that happiness is something you achieve. He believed that if he accomplished his goals, grew his business and acquired more money and possessions, happiness would automatically follow.

However, happiness isn’t something you GET, it’s something you MAKE.

How often have you achieved a long-term goal, expecting it to make you happy, just to find that after a short period of feeling successful or proud, you then felt empty and lost?  This is because once you achieve a goal you set another goal, and continue to want more. Many people lead an “if only” life.  They say “I’d be happy if only I had__________________.”  However, when they get that thing or achieve that goal, they’re surprised and disappointed to discover they feel the same as they always did.

It’s also about self-esteem, and the ability to love and value yourself, even if you’re not perfect.  If you appreciate the incredible human being you are, and accept yourself even with all your imperfections, you will find inner happiness that’s based on who you are internally rather than external stuff.

Happiness is about attitude and choices, NOT STUFF!

We each have the option of focusing on the positive in our life, or on the negative.  We can look at all our blessings, or choose to only see what’s lacking. Along with that comes the choice to be happy and feel blessed, or feel miserable and incomplete.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to do away with your dreams and goals or stop striving to improve your professional or personal situation.  It simply means you can’t be disappointed if you don’t expect the achievement of your goals to alter how you feel about your life.

Choosing to be happy is something you can do, regardless of what you have.

Once Ben understood that growing his business and having more money to buy more toys wasn’t his path to happiness, he set about finding what would enrich his life. To recognize his path to happiness he:

Wrote in a Gratitude Journal.  Ben wrote every night about the things that had delighted him that day. He was pleased to discover that his life held many things that brought him joy.  He was also surprised to note that they were the things money couldn’t buy, such as reading to his son at bedtime, enjoying the beauty of nature, or cuddling with his wife on the couch.

Looked at his values and needs to determine what was most important to him.  Ben then found ways to incorporate those things into his daily life. He realized that his values reflect his personal needs.  He understood that when he was being true to his values he was happy.  When he acted in a way that went against his values, he was miserable. (for FREE worksheets to help you identify your values and needs, go to our website at www.insidejobscoach.com and click on Resources).

Reviewed his goals to find the personal motivation behind them. For example, Ben wanted to make more money so he could buy a boat and house at the lake.  However, when he really looked at this goal he realized that the boat and lake house represented fun things for his family to do together.  What will make him happy about achieving these goals is not having the things, but what they will bring, which is quality time with his loved ones.

Gave to others.  Ben realized that he was always happy when he was giving his time and money to his community.  He noticed that when he was doing something for others he felt lighthearted and carefree, so he found ways to do this more often.

As Ben looked at each of his wants he realized that they all stemmed from just a couple of his deep personal needs.  The needs he wanted to fill were those of connection to family, friends and community.  Realizing this gave him the option to choose to be happy with what he had, and find ways to meet his needs without accumulating more stuff.

With this awareness, Ben adopted an attitude of gratitude, and his life began to turn around.

So, What About You?

Are you choosing to be happy, or to focus on all you don’t have?  What is happiness to you?  What really makes your heart sing?  What deep needs are you trying to meet?  Once you know the answers to these questions it will be easy for you to choose to be happy, every day.

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.

Are You Frustrated?

David is a middle manager in a large company.  On our last coaching call he talked about his frustration with how things at work are done and what he can and cannot do to change them.  As a middle manager he has some power to control his department, but not to change company policies he disagrees with.

After he vented, we looked at the reality of what was going on for him. David realized that feeling frustrated is a “red flag emotion” that lets him know he is feeling powerless and not in control.  “Red-flag emotions” are feelings we experience to let us know how we are reacting to our environment.  As with all “red-flag emotions”, once he acknowledges its message, David can decide what to do about it’s cause, and then let the emotion go.

Have You Felt Frustrated?

Have you ever felt frustrated with a business or personal situation? Maybe you have to wait for others to make decisions or take action, you might be trying to control uncooperative people or things, or you may be dealing with something like the weather or natural disasters, over which nobody has control.

In all of these instances frustration is a signal that you are feeling a loss of personal power. It's an indication that you feel blocked in some way and are not in control of what's happening to you.  Feeling this way for very long can decrease your self-confidence, cause stress resulting in unhealthy consequences, and diminish your sense of being a capable, competent person.  Since you probably don’t want to experience these things, the thing to do when you feel frustrated is to find a way to regain control and feel powerful. 

Choices

David realized that in frustrating situations he has two choices:

            1) If it’s a situation over which he has control, he can take action and impact it in some way. 

2) If it's a situation over which he has no power, he can choose to let go of his need for control, break it down into smaller parts, and find ways to deal with each of them.

3) Or he can simply decide it's not worth putting energy into and let it go.

David acknowledged that he was powerless to impact the corporate culture and decided to focus on the things he does have control over.  He talked with his boss to share his thoughts and suggestions, and then put his energy into his department and empowering his staff.  He let go of his need to fight a system he cannot change, and moved ahead in ways he could.

David realized that he always has the power to choose how he reacts to a situation, and to decide what he wants to do about it. Then he can make decisions about how to proceed.  Once he took charge of his feelings, the frustration disappeared and he again feels powerful in his world.

What About You?

What about you?  Is there a situation in your life that is causing you frustration because it’s not within your power to change? Or one that is not worth your time or energy? You may want to ask yourself if there is any aspect of it you can control, and then do that.  Then let go of the frustration.

Since being frustrated drains your physical and emotional energy, confuses your thoughts and blocks you from being productive, you might want to eliminate this emotion from your life.

It helps to remember that:

1)     When you feel frustrated it’s because you’re feeling powerless or not in control.

2)     Frustration tells you something is not working as you want or you planned.

3)     To relieve frustration, take action if you have the power/ability/authority, or do what you can, and then let the situation go.

4)     Confronting and overcoming frustration will add to your self-confidence and sense of personal power.

So, how do you deal with frustration?

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

What Happened to RESPECT?

The tone of The tone of the meeting had become hostile, with people interrupting, yelling and making snide comments, and I was appalled.  I’d just joined the Board of Directors for a non-profit agency, and was so shocked by the behavior of this group of professional adults, that I needed to think about it so I could understand what was going on.

The situation was one in which everyone had his or her own agenda, and nobody listened to what anyone else had to say.  As a result, it quickly deteriorated into an exchange that I would expect only from young children. It was both uncomfortable and unproductive, and I left feeling disgusted with the group.

I realized that what was being exhibited at this meeting was a total lack of respect.  The Board members were acting disrespectfully towards each other, themselves, and the organization they were there to help.

This realization led me to think about respect, and what exactly it is.

According to the dictionary, respect is:

• Exhibiting courtesy and deference: an expression (by word or deed) of esteem or regard
• Showing courteous regard for people's feelings
• Treating others with dignity
• The condition of being honored or well regarded
• Valuing one’s standing or position
• An attitude of admiration or esteem
• Regarding someone highly; thinking much of/valuing them

I realized that the positive relationships and interactions in my life were effective because the people involved treated each other with respect.  It’s what my parents used to refer to as exhibiting good manners (an old-fashion but still appropriate term). This means listening quietly and attentively, hearing what is said, responding calmly, and using a tone and demeanor that show regard and esteem for the people you’re interacting with.

This situation spurred me to look at my own behavior, and I was horrified to note that there are times when I treat others disrespectfully.  I wasn’t aware of it, but I began to see that when I feel tired, stressed, overwhelmed or ignored I lash out at the people around me.  As a result, my family and staff often bear the brunt of my disrespect.

I realized that it’s important for me to be aware of the way I treat others, and insure that all my actions convey a positive, respectful attitude towards the people involved.  This means everyone, from my children, spouse and friends, to my business colleagues, the clerk in the store, and fellow Board members.

I also realized that I should always treat myself with respect. I began to see that others are aware when I respect myself, and I’m more likely to receive respect in return.

As for the rest of the Board, I understand that I may not be able to change how they function.  However, if I monitor my own actions and model respectful behavior, I hope they will notice and respond in kind.

So, I’m wondering who do you treat respectfully or disrespectfully?  What types of situations spawn these behaviors and what is the outcome of these interactions?  It might be something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Do You Need an Attitude Adjustment?

These days it seems like everywhere I look, somebody is talking about attitude.

Attitude is defined as a way of thinking or feeling about something or someone, and we all have attitudes about just about everything.

The question is, is your attitude positive or negative?

This might not sound like a big question, but it’s hugely important, because your attitude often determines how you feel, which influences your behavior and affects the outcome.

For example, if you feel good about yourself you will act accordingly.  When you feel good about yourself (positive self-esteem), you feel strong, powerful, capable, competent, loveable, and valuable.  When you feel that way you will walk through life with your head high, surrounding yourself with positive people and situations.

The same is true for when you have a positive attitude about someone else, or a situation.  If a negative situation arises, you can still find the good in it, and move ahead with a positive, can-do attitude. You will choose to be positive about whatever is in front of you, and will feel and act accordingly.

However, if you have a negative attitude, you will find the bad and focus on what is not working or what makes you unhappy.  When you do this you will attract more negative situations and people into your life.

It really is up to you.

There is usually good and bad in everything, and you always have a choice about how you want to view it.  You get to choose your perspective, and then act on it.

So if things aren’t going well for you, you might want to ask yourself if you need an attitude adjustment.

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call, so you can see what Coaching is all about.  Please email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put FREE Call in the Subject Line.  She will get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.

How Do You Appreciate?

When people go out of their way to do something nice for you, how do you handle it?

Do you simply say “Thank You” and move on, or do you take a minute to tell them how much you really appreciate what they’ve done.

In my world I’m all about stepping up and supporting others in whatever way they want or need.  I do it because I care about people, and truthfully, it makes me feel good to give.

Often someone will say “Thank you”, which is lovely.  But occasionally someone will go further than that, and let me know how much whatever I did has impacted them.

Studies have shown that one of the main reasons people like or don’t like their jobs is how often their efforts are acknowledged and appreciated.  Appreciation and acknowledgment are more important to people than money, benefits, etc.  The most crucial thing is for people to feel they are part of the team, and that what they are doing is making a positive contribution to the group effort.

One way to give appreciation is to be specific.  Saying, “Good job” or “Thank you” is nice, but kind of hollow.  However, when you follow it up by identifying exactly what the person did, saying how it made you feel or how it helped you, and comment on the qualities they exhibited by doing it, people will really feel appreciated.

A good appreciation statement has several parts:

·        Be genuine and don’t expect anything in return

·        Be specific, use the person’s name, and identify exactly what s/he did

·        Make eye contact and use open body language

·        Recognize the person as well as the deed. Note their special character traits that allowed them to do this

·        Always be sincere

For example, if a coworker goes out the way to fill in for you when you’re out of the office, you can say, “Thanks for filling in”.  Or you can say, “It was great of you to step up and fill in while I was away.  You are always thoughtful like that, and it’s wonderful to know you have my back. Working with you is such a pleasure.”

Remember that showing sincere appreciation also applies in your personal life.  Being truly appreciative of your family and friends will strengthen your relationships and help everyone feel more connected.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

If you've wondered what Coaching is all about, Sandy is now offering a FREE Coaching Call.  Just email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and she'll get right back to you to schedule your call.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Fit Yourself Into Your Life

I have a friend who for years worked long hours, and in her “free time” she volunteered for a number of non-profit organizations.  She was always very busy, doing her job or giving to others.

A month ago she decided she’d had enough.  Things in her industry had changed and it was time for her to find a new challenge, so she resigned from her job and cut back on her volunteer activities.  She said this change was temporary.  Eventually she will get a new job and become active again.

However, she said that right now she needed to “take time to fit herself into her life.”

This phrase resonated with me.  For years my husband and I have been really busy people.  Between work, family and volunteering we didn’t have much extra time to spend together or stop and smell the roses.

Once we realized this, we made some changes.  We cut back on volunteering, didn’t let work run our lives, and made time to spend together, and also alone, to read, take walks, and pay attention to taking care of ourselves, each other, and our bodies.

So now that things have changed, we’re enjoying the slow down.  We hadn’t realized how busy we were, but now that things are calmer we’re really taking pleasure in having time to “fit ourselves into our lives”.

So this month I’m reflecting on the importance of taking time to relax, enjoy a mellow conversation with my favorite people, or take an evening walk.  It’s time for me to be in my life instead of just a part of it.  We’ve been doing this for a month and it’s wonderful to see how well I fit.

How about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience.

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

What Happens When You Say "Yes"?

Several years ago I saw the Jim Carey movie, Yes Man.  The premise is that he’s a negative guy whose life is boring because he says no to everything.  He decides to begin saying yes all the time, so of course, hilarious situations result.

This movie inspired me to look at my life, and I realized that the basic premise is true.  When I say no to things, my life is quiet and dull.  I often let laziness, fear of the unknown, looking stupid, rejection or looking foolish, stop me from saying yes.  Then I feel stagnant and nothing happens in my life.  I’m so busy trying to stay “safe”, that I don’t make room for all of the good new things to come in.

I noticed that when I ignore my fears and objections, and am open to new experiences, wonderful, fun things happen.

I decided to begin saying yes to things unless there is a good reason to decline (laziness, fear of looking foolish or of the unknown are not good reasons.)

As a result, I’ve recently accepted several speaking engagements, taken on new volunteer commitments, met lots of fun and interesting people, and made new friends.

I’ve also had the opportunity to stretch my comfort zone, which makes me feel even stronger and more empowered.  Also, these experiences have helped me realize I can do things I didn’t know I could do, and as a result, I have grown.

So this month I’m reflecting on how much more fun and interesting life is when I’m open to new things, and I’m focusing on just saying yes to life.

What about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Adaptability

Recently there have been a lot of changes in my life, and I realized that I’m resisting accepting and adapting to them.  I’m happy with the familiar and staying in my comfort zone, and don’t want things to change.  However, this resistance is just making everything more difficult.

While visiting my grandchildren recently we played a game where we looked at all the things that have changed since I was a child.  We talked about the amazing conveniences and technology they have now, that didn’t exist when I was young.  It was a fun and educational exercise for them, and a new awareness for me. I was astonished to realize how much things had changed, and how I had actually let go of the old, moved on to the new, and created a different comfort zone with these new things.  I became aware of how much change we all have to adapt to, every day!

So, this month I’m reflecting on the importance of being flexible and adaptable in my business and personal life.  When a new idea or technology comes along, my first inclination is to say, “No thanks, I don’t need that.  The old way works fine.”  However, that may not be completely true.  The old way may have worked fine in the past, but does it still, and will it in another year or two?

Will clinging to the old way make my life easier, or put me at a disadvantage?  In business my competitors will probably be using the new methods, which will help them serve their clients faster and more conveniently.  What will happen to me if I don’t keep up and can’t provide better service too?

In my personal life, doing things the way I have always done them might feel safe, but it will interfere with my enjoyment or interaction with my family and friends.  For example, if I choose to not learn how to operate my technology devices such as the video part of my phone (which I am sorely tempted to do because I HATE IT when an inanimate object gets the best of me!) I will lose the incredible joy I get from preserving special moments in the lives of my children and grandchildren.  Do I really want to do that, just because it’s a challenge to learn the new way?  Probably not!

Also, if I’ve noticed that when some people become negative or toxic, is it smart to keep them in my life just because they’ve been there for a while?  Again, probably not!

I know that even with positive changes, there is sometimes grief in letting go of what was as I incorporate the new.

I understand that in the process of letting go, or of changing, I might experience the stages of the grief process.  I’m prepared to deal with the shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and final acceptance, because it will eventually lead me to a happier place.

So I’ve decided to stop clinging to what feels familiar and safe.  Stop looking back at how ‘it’s always been’.  Instead I will look forward, adopt a positive attitude, believe I can do it, and embrace the changes life brings.

How about you? 

Sandy is a best selling author, speaker, Licensed Counselor, and life and business coach. She is the author of the best selling book Feeling Good About You and Moving Up To Management for New Supervisors (available on Amazon.com) and is the creator of the amazing Feeling Good About You Breakthrough program. . You can visit Sandy on her website at www.insidejobscoach.com .

If you’d like to increase your self-esteem and personal power, Sandy has a great package she’d like to share with you.  Just click here to receive your Rapid Power Pack and begin to create the life you’ve always dreamed of.

How Do You Love?

Yesterday I broke a crystal vase that was important to me.  It was given to me by someone I love, and I was really upset with my clumsiness.

My husband, seeing my distress, was soothing and calm, and said, “Let me see what I can do with this.”  While I continued to rant at myself, he quietly took the pieces away, worked his magic and made it like new again.

When he brought it back to me his face was filled with sweetness, and it occurred to me that this repaired vase was a gift of love.

I began thinking about all the ways he shows me he loves me. Words are nice, but his actions speak volumes, and I’m so very blessed to have him in my life.

I then thought of a woman I know who complains that her husband and children don’t love her.  She says they never say it, and she feels that nobody cares.  However, when I look at her family I realize that there is a lot of love being given.  She just doesn’t recognize it so doesn’t know how to receive it.

When her husband goes to work at a job he doesn’t like, so that she can do what she wants, which is stay home and raise the children, that’s a gift of love.  When her adolescent son offers to pick up something at the store so she won’t have to pack up the smaller kids to go out, that is his way of telling her he loves her.

Love is all around us, but we’re often like my friend who expects it to come in a specific form.  When it doesn’t, we miss it and feel unloved.

After this experience I’m reflecting on the importance of  being aware of ALL the ways people show me love, and being happy and grateful to receive it in whatever form it’s given.

How about you?

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Working With My Inner Child

This month I’m reflecting on the fact that I’m feeling pretty proud of myself.  That may sound a bit arrogant, but it’s really just good ol’ self-nurturing.  This past week my inner child has taken some big emotional risks. She and I are both pleased that she had the courage to do it, and are even more pleased that it turned out well.

That probably sounds weird, so I’ll explain.  I believe that even though I am a grown, capable, competent adult, I still have inside myself an inner child who is representative of who I was when I was young.  My inner child is about five years old, and usually feels scared, lonely, incompetent and vulnerable.

Most of the time my inner Sandy stays quiet and lets the adult Sandy make decisions and go about the day.  However, when I’m in a new situation where I’m uncertain about what I’m doing or how to proceed, my inner child feels vulnerable and becomes huge and loud.  This is because her old fears and anxieties begin to take over.

In those situations my challenge is to quiet the inner child and reassure her that Sandy-the-adult has things under control.  That all she (the child) has to do is relax and let me (the adult) handle the situation.  When I’m able to do that, I can move ahead, stretch my comfort zone, and grow and learn new things.

That is what I did last weekend, which is why I’m feeling proud of myself.

In order to market my new book, Moving Up To Management:Leadership and Management Skills for New Supervisors, I attended a conference as a presenter and also an exhibitor in the Trade Show.  This was a new experience for me, and it was a bit daunting.  However, it needed to happen, so my inner child and I had to work on the fact that we could do it and still survive.

She agreed that as a five-year-old she had no clue how to talk in front of a group or market a book, but she thought that maybe the adult I am now could do it.  So, she sat back, let the adult part of me handle it, and it turned out well.

I believe that we all have an inner child who is afraid, and occasionally wants to be in control in order to keep us emotionally and/or physically safe. The challenge is for the adult you are now to work with that child (with inner dialogue) and help him/her understand that you will make sure all turns out well.

You do this the same as you would if you had a small child by the hand and s/he was feeling afraid.  Using positive, reassuring statements such as “It’ll be fine”, “We can do this”, and “I have it under control”, will help to reassure your inner child that all will be well.

So, you might want to ask yourself, how old is my inner child?  What are his/her fears?  In what situations does s/he become large and try to run the show?  What does s/he need to know, hear, and understand, in order to feel safe and secure?

If you meet the needs of your inner child by being strong, in charge, and letting him/her know it’s safe, you will be able to face and walk through your fears, stretch your comfort zone, grow, and feel proud of yourself.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Bring Present

I have lots of things going in my life, and at times they become a jumble and I have trouble sorting them out in my mind.  The result is that I often end up feeling overwhelmed and not knowing which to tackle first.  When this happens I realize that I’m so into my head and out of my body that I’m not at all in touch with the ‘now’.

So, this month I’m reflecting on what I call “being present”. ‘Being present’ means that I focus on what I’m doing/feeling right now.  Not on what I did yesterday or will do tomorrow, but right now.  Amazingly, when I do this for at least 10 minutes, it clears my brain, relaxes my body and I’m once again able to concentrate.

There is something very calming and peaceful about being ‘in the now’.  Stopping everything and becoming aware of what my body is doing. Is my breathing deep or shallow, where are my muscles tense, am I warm or cold, etc.?

When I am ‘present’ I also notice what’s happening outside my body.  The way the blossoms blowing off the trees look like snowflakes, how the sun feels as it warms my face, the texture of soft, squishy grass under my feet.

Many years ago when my children were toddlers they taught me the beauty of ‘being present’.  Small children are always in the present.  They don’t worry about what they have done or will do. They live in the moment.

If you’ve ever walked with a toddler you know that everything is fascinating.  They see the beautiful leaf, the caterpillar crossing the sidewalk, and the lovely rocks in the driveway.  Taking a walk with my small children was an adventure.  They taught me to slow down and take time to notice the present, instead of focusing on moving ahead to our destination. For them, the process was the destination.

Now, when I feel overwhelmed and scattered I remind myself to stop, and just ‘be present’.  It makes all the difference.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Do You Think You Can?

When I was young there was a children’s book called, The Little Engine That Could.  The story was about a small engine that was just learning how to pull long trains.  Through a variety of circumstances, all the seasoned engines were out of commission, and it was up to the little engine to pull the train over the mountains.

He was terrified, but as he chugged along he continued to say, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can……”

Of course, he prevailed, hauled the giant train over the mountains, and learned a lot about himself in the process.

Numerous studies have shown that your attitude and beliefs make all the difference in how successful you are in life.

When you believe you can’t do something, just because you’ve never done it before, or because someone has told you that you don’t have what it takes, you undermine yourself and get to be right.  You can’t do it!

However, if you ignore all the reasons, excuses and negative messages and thoughts, and do as the Little Engine did, it’s amazing what you can accomplish.

Many years ago I worked in an agency where several programs were funded by 1-year grants.  There were two positions in which people were hired for a program, only to lose funding and have to switch to a new program.

When one employee learned she had to do something new, she freaked out, fell apart, and insisted she couldn’t do it.  Of course she couldn’t, and she didn’t last long with the agency.

When the other employee was told she needed to do a new thing she’d never done before, she walked around all week saying, “I CAN do this!  I CAN do this!”  Being her own cheerleader and coach was effective, she did learn the new thing, and she became well respected throughout the agency for her resilience and effectiveness.

So which of these people are you?  What do you tell yourself, and how do you proceed, when you’re faced with a new or scary challenge.

Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t will make all the difference.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself. 

Are You Stuck?

Last week I was talking with Sam, a new client who hired me to help him streamline his office procedures. The chore that requires much of his time is his bookkeeping, which he does by hand! He said that its time consuming, but works for him because he knows how to do it this way and feels comfortable with it.

Sam’s father initiated this accounting method when he opened the business 30 years ago, and since then they’ve ‘always done it this way’.  In the early days they were a small company with only 4 employees, and this was the best way available to keep track of finances.  When Sam took over 5 years ago, the firm employed 37 people, and they were still doing finances by hand!

Sam explained that he’d thought about switching to a computer accounting program because he knows it will save time, give him access to all kinds of reports and tax information, and streamline his entire bookkeeping operation.  However, he was having trouble letting go of how it had always been done. 

Is This You?
Does any of this sound familiar to you?  Are there areas in your business or personal life where you are still doing things as they’ve always been done, even though it’s no longer efficient?  Places where it’s probably time to make changes and grow, but for some reason you are reluctant to actually do it?  If so, you are definitely not alone.  There are many reasons why people are hesitant to let go of doing things the way they have always done them.

Comfort Zone

One of the main reasons is that doing something the way you’ve always done it keeps you in your comfort zone.  Your comfort zone is a very nice place in which you are a capable, competent person who understands what is going on and feels in control of it all.  It’s a pleasant, cozy, safe place to be.  Why would you want to let go of that?

However, the down side of your comfort zone is that it keeps you stuck and stops your growth.  It reinforces using procedures and behaviors that may be outdated or inefficient, and makes your business vulnerable to your competition.  It is also a boring place to be, and robs you of the opportunity to grow, learn new things and become the best you can be.

Fear of Change

Another reason you might be staying in your comfort zone is the fear of change. Change often represents uncertainty, and the unknown is a scary place. You don’t know for sure how things will turn out.  It’s a place where, for a time, you feel inadequate and confused instead of competent and capable.  There is also the fear that you may not be smart, good or clever enough to master the new thing.

Many people spend their lives doing everything they can to avoid fear.  However, the reality is that every change, anything new, will involve some fear.  The way to deal with fear is to confront and move through it.  Feel the fear and do it anyway!

From Master to Novice

Another part of change is that you go from being a master at something to being a novice.  When something is new you begin the learning curve all over again.  In this situation the fear of not being able to master the new thing is often very present and can be a huge deterrent to making a change.

When you look at your life you can see that you’ve already mastered this process many times. As a child you probably moved through the school system, which is set up so children reach a level of mastery and then become novices again. You started elementary school in kindergarten, new to the idea of school.  You learned and adapted to the process and place, to the point where you were comfortable and proficient in functioning within the system. Then you moved to junior high school, with a whole new set of rules and systems, and were suddenly a novice again. You learned and grew into junior high, and then repeated the process again when moving to high school, college, into a job, etc.  With each step you expanded your comfort zone. A process that was initially uncomfortable but eventually empowering.  Stretching your comfort zone is one way you learn you are a capable competent person.

In Sam’s case, in order to update his accounting he will have to go from being totally proficient with the system, to being new and temporarily confused.  From being the person who knows how to handle it all to being the person who has to rely on others while he’s in the learning process.  Growth always involves a period of being new, and new is always uncomfortable.

Why Have I Always Done It This Way?

Have you asked yourself why it’s always been done that way?  Often systems are implemented, or relationships or routines are created because they are the best available at the time.  However, as time passes and new ways of doing things are available, what was once state-of-the-art may become outdated and inefficient.

For example, when I was a child I would stand holding the refrigerator door open while deciding on a snack.  My mother would always tell me to close the door because all the cold air was escaping.  Since she did that with me, I did the same with my children (we’d always done it that way).  Until one day my son asked “why”?  He pointed out that the refrigerator was electric and constantly made more cold air, so it escaping wasn’t really a problem. Of course, he was right! I’d never thought about why I was delivering this message, so I asked my mother where it came from.  She said that her mother always said it to her, so she believed it and passed it along.  However, when my mother was a small child, refrigerators were actual iceboxes, which were cooled by large blocks of ice. When the door was opened the ice melted faster and they really did run out of cold air.

When my grandmother told her children to close the door, it was the right message for the situation.  As the message was passed on from generation to generation, the situation changed and the fridge no longer ran out of cold air.  (I do understand it takes electricity to generate more). However, nobody looked at the reason for the message.  We just kept doing it as we’d always done it.

In Sam’s case the accounting system his father implemented was right for the time, but changes in technology have refined the most effective way to track finances.  It’s important to understand why the system was created, what need it was designed to fill.  Look at it and see if it is still the most efficient way to fill this need, or if a more effective way is now available.  This applies to how you run your personal as well as your business life.

How Do You Know You’re Stuck?

Sometimes you may not consciously realize that you are stuck and that it’s time to make a change. When something becomes a struggle, takes too much time, or feels like a huge chore, it may be an indication that you are doing it the way it’s always been done rather than the more efficient and effective way.  You can often identify what may have outlived its usefulness by noting the things that are difficult, and asking yourself why you do them the way you do.

What To Do

Once you have identified things that may need a change, ask yourself:

·         Where did this procedure originate?

·         What was its original purpose?

·         Does this still apply?

·         Is there an easier way to accomplish the same goal?

·         What are the consequences of continuing to do things the way we’ve always done them?

·         What will be the results of implementing a new process?

·         What is stopping me from implementing this new process?

·         What will I do about this?

Once you’ve answered these questions, it’s time to move. Change the procedure, buy and learn the new program, delegate to whomever can do the job, or completely let go of the procedure if it no longer applies.

After going through this process Sam decided to take a leap of faith and implement a computer accounting program for his business.  He expanded his personal and business comfort zone by hiring a professional to help him become proficient in the new software.  He endured a brief period of feeling totally lost, and soon became as skilled with the new system as he was with the old.  The new system has accomplished his goal of streamlining his accounting and providing him with more time to focus on other aspects of his business. Sam has also renewed his sense of being even more empowered, capable and competent.

Of course, your comfort zone also applies to your personal life.  You might be keeping behaviors, relationships, locations and habits that worked for you in the past, but now just keep you stifled and stuck.

So you may want to ask yourself, where in my life do I feel stuck or like I’m doing something just because it’s familiar, comfortable, and always been done that way?  What things do I need to change, but I’m hesitant because I’m afraid of looking/feeling awkward and stupid, or fearful of failing?  What would I like to do about that?

It’s something to think about.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For a FREE worksheet to help you look at, “I’ve Always Done It That Way”, and many FREE exercises on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

Just say, "NO!"

Last week my friend, Steve, was talking about how overwhelmed he feels.  He said he has too much to do at work, and in his “free” time, he’s busy every minute.  When I asked him to elaborate, he explained that during the workday there are several co-workers who complain about all they have to do, and ask him for help.  Since he wants to be a good employee and team player, he always steps up and says “yes.”  Then he ends up having to do his work and theirs too, and he’s swamped.

Instead of being grateful for his help, his colleagues are then angry with him because he doesn’t have the time to do a perfect job on the projects he’s taken over for them.

Steve explained that outside of work he is on the Board of Directors for three non-profit organizations, plus he coaches his daughter’s soccer team.  His wife is angry with him for never having time to spend with her or do things around the house, his golf group has given up on him because he’s always busy with something else when invited to play, and his children complain that they never see him.

Steve is so busy trying to be helpful and supportive to everyone, that he’s forgotten to take care of himself.  He has no boundaries around his life, and the result is that it’s completely out of control.

The problem is that Steve hasn’t learned to say “NO!”  He is afraid that if he turns people down they will think he’s selfish and won’t like him.

The reality is that he needs to take care of himself as much, or even more, than he takes care of others.  If he doesn’t do this, he will end up alienating the people he cares about, will feel exhausted and miserable, and his overwhelmed body will probably get sick.

Steve has forgotten to treat himself with the same respect he gives others.  It’s time for him to decide what is most important, set boundaries around his time, and learn to say “NO”. 

A great phrase to use when telling someone “no” is, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t work for me.”  Don’t give them reasons or explain why, because they will argue with whatever you say.  Just repeat, “I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.”

The other person will be frustrated because they can’t argue and try to change your mind, but you will be standing your ground, making your boundary clear, and taking care of your needs.

It’s time to give it a try.  Just say “NO!”

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.

Are You Afraid of Your Shadow?

Do you occasionally find yourself thinking or feeling something negative about another person or yourself?

If you do, you’re not alone.  No matter how loving, kind, thoughtful and smart you are, there will be times when negative thoughts will surface.

This part of you is sometimes called your Shadow (a concept created by psychologist Carl Jung), and is the part of you that is everything you like to think you’re not.  It’s the angry, jealous, spiteful, vengeful, violent, ignorant, etc. part of who you are.

When you were a child you probably got in trouble, or people didn’t like you, when you let your Shadow side show, so you learned to hide and ignore it as much as possible.

However, denying your Shadow is denying an important piece of the total human being you are, and running away from it can control your life.

The trick is to recognize your Shadow and notice when it surfaces. Instead of negatively judging yourself for it, pay attention to the thoughts, look at where they came from, and let them go.

Once you acknowledge your Shadow it will lose its power of you.  You will no longer have to run from it or deny an important aspect of yourself.

One of the key elements in creating positive self-esteem is the development of acceptance and compassion for all facets of your personality. Not merely for the part of yourself that is "the good little girl or boy," the part who follows all the "shoulds," but also for the parts of your personality that you may want to hide, even from yourself.

It might help to look at your personality as a series of circles, one inside the other. 

Your Façade

Your Shadow

Your Real Self 

The outermost circle is your Facade. This is the part of yourself that you choose to share with the world most of the time. This is the nice, polite, creative, attractive, intelligent, strong, cooperative part. It is also the part you want to believe is the total you, since it gains you the most love, acceptance, and positive feedback from others. It’s the part of yourself you use to gain a sense of worth. Fortunately it is only one aspect of the person you really are.

The second circle is called The Shadow. This is a concept taken from the work of psychologist Carl Jung, and refers to the hidden and repressed aspects of your personality. This includes all the negative conclusions you drew about yourself during childhood, all the unpleasant feelings and thoughts that go against your "shoulds" and expectations, and label you as incompetent, unlovable, and worthless.

It also includes the part of you that experiences “negative” emotions and thoughts about others.

You may fear that this Shadow aspect defines who you really are, and live in terror of yourself or others seeing through your Facade to these dark, black, embarrassing, negative feelings. However, it is important to understand that The Shadow is as essential to the total you as your Facade is, and that it is not your identity! The Shadow does not define who you are, just as your Facade does not.  They are both a part of the incredible whole.

As long as you are afraid to confront your Shadow, this fear will control you. You will spend a lot of time, energy, and money trying to ignore or deny part of your being. It's exhausting!

However, when you finally allow yourself to get in touch with EVERY part of your personality, you will find it incredibly freeing. Once you confront your darkest fears about yourself, those fears will lose their power and you will be well along the road to complete self-acceptance, compassion, and acknowledgment of your Real Self.

The innermost circle represents Your Real Self, and is the combination of all parts of your personality: the positive and negative, good and evil, gifts and talents and all aspects that go into making you a one-of-a-kind person.

Once you recognize your Real Self you will no longer feel the need to maintain a Façade, believe other people's "shoulds", or deny your Shadow. With the knowledge of, and acceptance and compassion for, your total self, you will at last be able to relax and enjoy all parts of the amazing and unique person you are.

You will never again have to be afraid of your Shadow.

Please comment so others can benefit from your wisdom and experience

For FREE worksheets on ways to empower yourself, see the Resources Page on our Inside Jobs Coach website.  Also be sure to check out our Books page.

If you'd like to bring positive changes into your life, we have the perfect thing for you.  Check out The Rapid Power Pack, and begin to create the life of your dreams.

If you would like to feel more confident and believe in yourself, check out The Confidence Pack, which contains several powerful worksheets to guide you and an amazing hypnotherapy session to strengthen your belief in yourself.