Are you ready to move ahead and create the life you want,
but aren’t sure how to begin? Sometimes
it feels overwhelming because there are so many things you can do and
directions you can go. It’s easy to get
overwhelmed and stuck.
One thing that will really help you is to become your own
coach.
The first step in coaching yourself is to choose a
goal. Your end goal my be a really big
one, so write that down and keep it in mind.
Then back up and start taking small steps that will begin to move you
towards your huge goal.
Here are three things you can do right now to start the
process of coaching yourself to win:
1)
Eliminate ‘Tolerations’
The first step in your self-coaching process is to identify
the ‘tolerations’ in your life. A
‘toleration’ is something that you are tolerating, that irritates or annoys you
whenever you think about it. It may be something as small as a missing button
on your favorite coat, or the smudge on the wall that you notice every time you
walk by.
Or it could be bigger things, such as your overflowing closet or In
Box, your friend who is always 20 minutes late, or the person who treats you
with disrespect. These are all things
you are tolerating, and each one drains your energy and interferes with your
ability to be successful.
The first step to eliminating these things is to write them down (most of us
are surprised to see we have a long list) and then begin eliminating them one
at a time. If you tackle one a day and
cross it off the list, you will be amazed at how your energy returns as your
tolerations decrease.
2) Deal with the ‘Shoulds’
Along with eliminating your
‘tolerations’, you can look at the ‘shoulds’ in your life. A "should" is something you think
you are supposed to do or believe.
They are values that you learned from others when you were a small child. You
may not know why or agree with the reasoning, but you believe that if you
ignore these ‘shoulds’ it will create problems for you and those around you.
For example, as a child you may
have been taught to be quiet, cooperative and selfless, and quickly learned
these behaviors in order to gain love and approval from the adults in your
life. Unfortunately, some values you learned for survival as a child, may be
keeping you from being an assertive, respected adult.
It’s time for you to became aware of the ‘shoulds’
that no longer apply in your adult life, and begin to rewrite them to fit your
role as an independent adult.
Of course there are many
‘shoulds’ you will want to keep. Things
such as treating others with respect, accepting responsibility for your
actions, and being punctual, are good guides on how to be a responsible
adult. ‘Shoulds’ that are no longer
serving you might be, “it’s better to do nothing than make a mistake”, “keep
your opinions to yourself”, and “asking questions reveals your stupidity”. As you look at your ‘shoulds’ you can decide
which still serve you well, and which to let go of because they no longer apply
to your life. Once you identify these
you have the option of letting them go.
3)
Establish Boundaries
The third thing you can do to
coach yourself is to establish firm, clear boundaries. Boundaries are your rules about the things
that you will and will not allow people to do to you. These are the lines you establish to protect yourself physically
and emotionally, so you can be your best.
You might be surprised to discover that you have very few boundaries,
and as a result you are surrounded by negative people who treat you disrespectfully
and drag you down.
It is your right to establish
strong boundaries around yourself. You
can design them to keep out negative, hurtful or disrespectful people. If those
people have to be in your life because of family or work, setting boundaries
will keep you from accepting their negative behavior. You can make it clear to others that you will no longer tolerate
yelling, swearing, disrespect, aggressive behavior, being ignored, or anything
else that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You will find that the negative people will drift away. Then you can set about surrounding yourself
with people who are reliable, supportive, non-judgmental, respectful, and make
you feel good about yourself.
I know that when you do these three things you will
be pleasantly surprised to see an amazing shift. Once you have eliminated many ‘tolerations’, let go of several
‘shoulds’ that were no longer serving you, and established boundaries around
yourself, you will feel energized, confident, and ready to move ahead towards
achieving your goals.
If you’d like learn more about how to coach yourself to achieve your goals, talking with Sandy can help. In order to support you, she is offering you
a FREE Coaching Call. Email her at Sandy@insidejobscoach.com and put COACHING CALL in the Subject line, and
she will get back to you soon.
Sandy will always connect with you within 24 hours, so if
you don’t hear from her please check your SPAM filter.
Also, if you’d like to rediscover the amazing person you’ve
always been, check out this incredible program: Feeling
Good About You Breakthrough program
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